The List

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Remember way back when you were a little kid and couldn’t wait to open your gifts on Christmas? I’m sure some of us, even as adults have a hard time waiting. But remember how much you would beg your parents to open just one of your gifts. You wanted whatever was wrapped up so bad. Maybe because you took a peek and knew what you were getting or maybe you hoped whatever was on that list was there.

Well, that’s how I feel about someone right now. Her name is Becky. I’m in no way saying she is someone’s object by this comparison I’m making. But I know who she is. I know what she has to offer. I know what I want in a woman and she has it. She is that ultimate list for me, like everyone has when they are looking for a relationship with someone.

So what’s the deal? I can’t have her. At least not right now and who knows about the future. I’m going in hoping for the best. I can see something special with her. I don’t know what her feeling is about it, aside from right now she isn’t ready. But I do wonder if in the back of her mind if she thinks about a possible future with me.

One of the things that worries me is, what if she thinks it would end up being the same as her previous relationship. What if she is so used to seeing what she spent many years seeing, if all guys are like that. Is she more afraid of a relationship or is she truly not ready? Or both? There’s a saying that goes something like this, “if you spent so many years loving the wrong person, just imagine loving the right person.”

I know, with what she has been through, how she was treated, that I could be the right person. I’ve learned from mistakes in previous relationships. It took a few of them. And it helped me figure out what I want in a relationship. It taught me, that not every woman is the same. I can look to the future with her and see the positives. I can see why it would work. I can see why it would last forever. I want it to last forever, with her.

If she decides she doesn’t want t a relationship with me, it will crush me. But I’ve been crushed before and here I am. I guess I believe in myself and my abilities to show her how it would be different.

Maybe, just maybe after her plate isn’t as full as it is right now, she will see it.

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