Back once again to spill my feelings in here for everyone to read. Back to the subject of Chrissy. What seems like forever is looking more and more like its going to be forever and that it just won’t happen. You see, about 2-3 months ago she was “coming back.” And then every weekend after she was supposedly trying to come back. The truth is, it was all lies. She never tried. Not once. But she would completely ignore me the next 2 or 3 days. We went from talking every day of the week and then when the weekend came, she would disappear. And this happened for about 2 months in a row. It was always the excuse “I tried, but couldn’t go through with it.”
Well that’s fine but that doesn’t mean you completely ignore me for days at a time. You act like an adult, you put your big girl panties on and talk about it.
Even after we left the subject of her coming back on the back burner, she would still not answer my calls on Sunday. The excuses varied from “Matthew (her two year old) lost my phone” to “I was with family” and then “I was at the springs.” Every Sunday there has always been a reason. In my previous blogs, you know I’ve not been a saint either. But I have been upfront and honest. And that’s all I have ever asked of her.
I have asked her multiple times if she doesn’t want to be with me, to let me go. And if it was truly over, to let me know. I’ve never waited in my life for one person, except her. Every time it has been “That’s not it at all.” The response I’ve never said but always wanted to, “Then why do you do the things you do?”
What person ignores someone they supposedly “love.” I’m not talking for a couple hours, but days.
I guess you could say we were in a long distance relationship. She called me her boyfriend and I called her my girlfriend. Then I said we can’t be that. Not if she doesn’t want to be here.
She said she doesn’t like California and there is nothing here for her. I’ve offered to move to Portland just to be with her. And it’s something that has been planned for about 3 weeks roughly.
Certain people say she is just telling me what I want to hear and is afraid of me. Well, one would think if someone was really afraid of me they would block my number, change their number, etc. But I’m not saying that person isn’t right just yet.
At the end of this, all I can say is that I do love her. But if she doesn’t love me more than a friend, then its time to cut the cord. I waited because I love her. I changed for me, to better myself, to get her back. The only answer is that I’m just not good enough for her. Or she is a batshit, crazy, hoe.