I’ll Rise Again.

This isnt so much a blog, but a remembrance of a time in my childhood. Its a song my Grandma and the gospel band they had “The Singing Revelations” sang. Every time I hear it, it brings me all the way back and puts tears in my eyes. At the bottom is a YouTube link. My grandma sung it better in my opinion.

Go ahead, go ahead

Go ahead, drive the nails in my hands
Laugh at me where you stand
Go ahead and say it isn’t me
The day will come, you will see

‘Cause I’ll rise again
There’s no power on earth tie me down
Yes, I’ll rise again
Death can’t keep me in the ground

Go ahead, mock my name
My love for you is still the same
Go ahead and bury me
Very soon I will be free

‘Cause I’ll rise again
There’s no power on earth can tie me down
Yes, I’ll rise again
Death can’t keep me in the ground

Go ahead and say I’m dead and gone
You will see that you were wrong
Go ahead and try to hide the Son
All will see, I’m the One

When I’ll come again
There’s no power on earth can keep it back
Yes, I’ll come again
Come to take my people back

I’ll Rise Again: http://youtu.be/Li8Ld8KWTbA


Inspiration, her name is Destiny!

I wrote a blog about how the perfect relationship in imperfect. And it is what I truly believe. The belief that we can look past things we don’t agree with because our love for that person is greater than the problem. I think this is what has me on the roller coaster ride from hell. I don’t follow my own advice. How can I possibly write about and something I believe in but don’t actually do it myself.

When I say I’m done with someone, there are those little things about that person that bring me back to them. I can get so ticked off that I become this monster. I’ve been trying not to become a monster and I think everyone knows that. I still haven’t been physical or destructive. But back to my point. The love I have for my better half or whatever you might call them, should always overshadow what I disagree with them on. A big example of that would be my friend Paul. He is with someone that views things differently than he does. I believe some are political and some are religious. But yet he didn’t let the love he had for this person get in the way. And if you know Paul, you know that is something major.
I think this is where my eyes finally opened. It was looking at his situation and saying, “I can do that as well.” And I could and honestly would go through with it. Its the same as a friendship. Me and him are friends and have been since elementary school. But mine and his political views are completely different. We do agree on some things, don’t get me wrong.

Do I really fall out of love because of disagreements, I don’t think so. Actually, I know I don’t. Its the same as everything else. Just loving that person so much that you can accept their choices. Ultimately, your love for someone isn’t based on politics, religion, and so forth. You love them for who they are. How they make you feel inside. What they would do for you. If you can’t accept things about a person, then you really don’t love them. That’s why it would be so hard for me to just give up and walk away. My love will always be greater for that person, than the difference’s we have with each other. 

A huge thank you to Destiny for her comments and inspiration. You truly opened my eyes. I wish I lived closer to you so I could give you a big hug. 🙂

Having an open mind.

I learned today why its hard for people to have an open mind. I never thought it was that hard. But I guess after I read the definition, it made more sense. It also makes sense that when people say they will look at something with an open mind, they utterly fail at actually opening up their mind.

This little snippet from Wikipedia actually says a whole lot:
“The brain has a “search and destroy” relationship with ambiguity and evidence contradictory to people’s current beliefs tends to make them uncomfortable by introducing such ambiguity.”

So when you ask a religious person to do something with an open mind, their brain is trained by that religion to reject its views because it conflicts with their beliefs even though there is hard evidence. If ones religion said that grass is purple and all the evidence clearly showed the grass was green, that person would reject it without even read in why it came to be green. Hell you could show them green grass and they wouldn’t believe you. Again, we don’t like to be proven wrong as humans. It makes us feel like we are not as smart and embarrassed. But the great thing about accepting that you were proved wrong, is that you are a smarter person. You have in fact learned something you didn’t know. People need to put their own feelings and personal beliefs aside. If you go into something with an idea that you are already right and they are wrong, what’s the point of even trying. That’s not an open mind. Look, we all at many times in our life look like a dumbass, if we admit it or not. There is nothing wrong with that either. Get over yourself and open your damn mind already. We have one life on earth. Soak up the info while you can. Remember this, that one thing you can’t open your mind up to, could be something that dramatically changes your life for the better.

Love conquers what?

‘Love conquers all’ is a phrase that means love is capable of overcoming all obstacles such as fear or any other contradicting emotion. This saying is extracted from the works of a Roman poet known as Virgil. It is a very common phrase.

So let me point out some bullshit about this saying. Love does not conquer my anxiety. It does not conquer my depression. It does not conquer the things that annoy the living shit out of me. Like places that don’t take American Express cards. How the hell am I supposed to buy something if you don’t take my card!

When it comes to relationships, love doesnt conquer all. It does some things. It does not conquer the fact that I can’t get over someone’s false religion. It does not conquer the hard times. The list goes on and on. I can sit here all day and write a list of things it doesn’t do and I still wouldn’t be finished. When the list of things is longer on the wrong side, what’s the point!

The One.

As most of you know, I thought at one point Chrissy would be “The One.” Well, its another thing I was wrong about. I always thought, who could possibly ever replace the things she did or the things she said. I always talked about that bar that was set so high and how it would be impossible for anyone to come close to that bar. As people change, so does ones opinions. That girl doesn’t even exist anymore. She is gone. If you ever meet her on the street, you will see what I am talking about.

You see as a person changes, your feelings change. Either for better or worse. As she changed, the feelings were for the worse. I didn’t fall in love with who she became. I fell in love with who she was. I know a lot of this may not make sense to many of you right now, regarding my own personal situation. Or what I should say, was my personal situation with her.

As most of you know, I don’t remain friends with me ex’s. I mean what’s the point. Unless you have a child together, there is no logical reason. The only exception to this is my friend Liz who is more of a sister to me than anything. We dated back in high school about 17 years ago. Do I love her? Absolutely! But I am not in love with her. I love her like I would love my own siblings. She is there for me and I try to be there for her. But back to my point.

I sit and think sometimes, why was it so easy just to let Chrissy go and why does it not hurt? Well, I believe it is because of who she became. She changed and transformed into this person that nobody knows. She became lost and she thought she wasn’t. If you tried to open her eyes, it was pointless. She was going to believe whatever she wanted to believe. She has no self esteem. I can clearly see why she doesn’t. How do I know? Because the life events she chose is when she started to change. Too blind to see it herself.

Do I want her back? No, I want a normal family. Some of you may say, whats normal? It is the opposite of who she is. I want to live a life without restrictions. A life and family that can do any and everything together.

With that said, what should I do? Or what have I done? Try to find a person with the same qualities and wants in life. Soon you will come to learn of this new person in my life. I won’t be holding her to Chrissy standards or any standards at all. There are no standards anyway. Plus those were only memories. If things go the way I’ve always envisioned, which I am sure they will, the life I want for me and my other will be fantastic. So the question remains, as always, could this one, be the one.

Some things don’t matter.

 ” Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU… The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her… ”

When we think about relationships, one thing we tend to think of is appearance. A lot of the times one, if not both parties in the relationship get into this mode of “letting themselves go” or taking of the mask of appearance once they be come exclusive or shortly thereafter. Why is that? Is it because they become comfortable, lazy, or do we see who they really are? Maybe its a different reason.

Let’s start at the beginning when you met or saw a picture of that person. They were probably looking their best. To be honest, when one is single, they don’t put a picture of themselves on a dating site of them sitting on a couch in their pajamas on that lazy Sunday. Nothing says “next person please” like hanging put in your pj’s.

What if you meet them in public? Let’s take the mall for example. Usually when we go out shopping we want to look our best. Especially if you are there checking out the scene at the food court while putting out the dumb and dumber vibe.

Either scenario the opposite sex is usually trying to look their best. It also increases for the first few dates. Some times we may get a little comfortable and dress a little bit less nice after a couple of dates. Not a complete tear down, but maybe the shirt isn’t as nice or they have an older pair of shoes on.

So you’ve been a couple for quite some time now. One of you, if not both has become completely comfortable with the other. So now its time to break out those sweat pants, those raggedy clothes and not getting dressed up as often, if at all. In most relationships (not all) this becomes a problem. Nothing else has changed in the relationship but that.

One of you might think, they are lazy or they just don’t care. You start to second guess if that’s a relationship you want to be in. What happened to the person you met when you first started seeing each other? This surely can’t be the same person you fell in love with! Or is it.

If you are questioning your love because of those things, more than likely you never really loved them. You loved what they were when wearing certain items. Remember, we you really fall in love, you love them for who they are. Their personality, the way they talk to you, the way they care about you, and so on. If you love them for all of those reasons, them their appearance to an extent does not matter. They are still the same person you fell in love with and that’s all that should matter. That feeling you have in your heart, it comes from who they really are. Love them for who they are, not for what they wear.

Pray for my Pentecostal friend.

I have a friend who I recently learned is a oneness Pentecostal. If you are not familiar with the religion, it is because it is not a popular religion. Mainly because it was a religion created in 1913. Yes that’s right, just barely over 100 years old. The beliefs of Pentecostals are extreme. They do not believe in the Trinity. The trinity is the separate beings of the father, the son and holy spirit as three different people. And that bible clearly states that is how one should be baptized.  By the father, the son and the holy spirit. One thing you will learn as I get into this, is the amount of people who leave this religion is massive. I will tell you why.

I’ve done my research because lately I’ve had nothing but time on my hands. And when I really put my mind to it, you all know I can pick anything apart. I take the time to do all the research. I just don’t read something and think to myself oh it must mean this or that. I look up the words in the bible and go back to the meanings of words as they were known when the bible was written.
I have been able to come up with some conclusions. 

The Oneness Pentecostal heretics play the grand game of equivocation in their historical claims to be the “true church” that existed throughout history in small groups from Pentecost to 1913 where Ewart invented Oneness Pentecostalism. There were heretics from time to time that used the wrong baptismal formula. There were other heretics from time to time that denied the trinity. There were still other groups that experimented with ecstatic speech, i.e., speaking in tongues. What has not existed, however, is these three things – the criteria – at any one time throughout history until 1913.

Thus, when these Oneness fanatics try to say one thing or another about the “truth” being practiced as they see it with this group or that group, do not let them get away with the central issue: three things must be present AT THE SAME TIME for a group to adhere to Oneness Pentecostalism: (1) Rejection of the Trinity (2) Baptism with the literal words spoken “in Jesus Name” by full immersion, and (3) requirement of speaking in tongues as the initial evidence of the Holy Spirit.

Yes, maybe here and there only ONE of these was present in heretics here and there sporadically in history, but never AT ONE TIME and never continuously throughout history. Oneness Pentecostalism began with Ewart in 1913. It NEVER existed before this date.

One of the biggest issues in the religion is instilling fear. Fear that if you are not perfect every second of every day, you will miss your chance to be with god. What this does is consume the mind of the Pentecostal and restrict them from the outside world. It is well known and has been documented that the people of the Pentecostal religion are not as well educated and are behind in their careers. This keeps from giving to your community. Creating a better life for yourself.

Did you know Pentecostals are self destructive? They go on for days – even weeks – as rational people in their normal lives, but inevitably, they will explode, lose their cool, and destroy something in their lives. The reason for this is that they are addicted to a Life Changing Transformation accompanied by an intense emotional ejaculation. Recall the central experience of Pentecostals: speaking in other tongues under emotional hypnosis accompanied often by a violent emotional release. I have made the analogy to “receiving the Holy Ghost” as modern Pentecostals experience it as a psychosexual orgasm. But this next line is probably the most important to understand. However, this life changing experience is addictive in many ways. Like drug addicts, one feels such an intense high the first time, that he spends the rest of his life chasing after that first high, so he needs the drug in higher and higher doses to get the emotional high. The problem with this state is that intense emotions tell a normal person that something is dangerous. Whether it be love, hate, or anger, most take intense feelings as something to control and monitor, not something to inflame to destruction. However, since the Pentecostal’s defining religious experience is an emotional explosion in speaking in tongues under hypnosis, he cannot admit that unbridled emotions are dangerous; he sees them as something to experience regularly – a Life Transforming experience is good, if accompanied by strong passions. This might not be articulated as such, but that is the basis of their actions. In some cases, we can go through occasional life transformations, but to do this on a regular basis promotes instability and destruction because the person cannot commit to a plan of action in life and is continuously searching for striking Gold with the next Life Transformation Experience. Now, take this to addictive levels: the Pentecostal is bored UNLESS he is blowing up emotionally on a regular basis. So, where does this lead the Pentecostal? He can blow up in church in psychosexual emotional releases “at the altar.” Where else can he get these intense emotions? He might pursue sexual promiscuity with the accompanying risk, followed by an intense moment of “repenting at the altar.” Where else can he get his emotional high? He can self-destruct on a regular basis, thus promoting intense feelings of risk, failure, fights, monetary damage, which in themselves produce strong emotions, followed by another trip to the altar to “get the victory over the devil attacking him with all these problems” as he shouts, dances, screams and yells in a victory march. What is another way to get these intense emotional ejaculations? He can instigate trouble at work; get his boss angry to the point of putting his job in jeopardy. He can instigate fights among the people in church and cause a ruckus to get some excitement going. 

In all these cases, the desire for a Life Changing Transformation can be a Destructive Life Changing Transformation, when this end is pursued vigorously and recklessly, as the Pentecostal will do. So, this is why there are regular splits, fights, and breaks in friendship and cooperation among Pentecostals. It is similar to the Death Wish in that they hope for destruction because of the intense feelings and emotional outbursts it will cause. They are addicted to strong emotions on the psychosexual level of intensity. There are only so many things in life that can give a person this that are constructive. After they exhaust the constructive emotional outlets, they get bored and want more; then, all that is left is destructive pursuits of emotional ejaculation. One can think about a nasty car wreck where rubberneckers look on; this is an “exciting” thing to see – body parts scattered about the highway. This is the morbid truth about seeking after intense emotional experiences. 

This undoubtedly is not a religion. Its a hypnosis. When confronting a Pentecostal, one must remember that Pentecostals are stuck in a mental thinking loop that prevents them from thinking in the normal sense about anything relating to religion. They have designed an enormous list of code words designed to trigger thinking patterns in a particular way. Think of it as a computer program or a computer virus. When you hear the words “reprobate” or “backslider” or any other code words, they are designed to trigger a particular thought pattern. Another phrase that comes to mind is “touch not mine anointed!” The last one triggers thoughts of incapacitating terror at the thought of questioning the pastor about anything. Also, there are particular gestures that are designed to trigger certain thoughts like the tightening and closing of the eyes followed by something like “Woo, I feel something in this place, let’s pray for that guy right now!” 

And, so it is. It is hard to even speak about religion to these Pentecostals stuck in the mental traps because the minute you try to question them, those code words, and those gestures come into their imaginations, without even them hearing them or seeing them, and these things short-circuit the mental processes to the point where they cannot hear the words you are saying. The mind is stuck and has something like a computer virus. 

Often, it takes a tremendous effort to break these people from this state of self-hypnosis. Sometimes it takes a dramatic event for them to begin to question. Sometime the pastor betrays them so deeply, they go through terror, depression, and many other things that are so unbearable that they have to begin to question the system. 

The services are designed to nurture these thought systems and loops that they cannot break out of. All the emotional things that go on from excitement to terror, to grieving, to anything with extreme emotions – all this contributes to the deadening of the mind to thinking outside of the particular mind set. 

Their minds are stuck. They do not know this. You can tell them this and often, they do not understand what you are telling them because their thoughts are stuck in a short circuit. Sometimes we have to spend many years or months trying to figure out a way to break within a particular person’s mind to break it out of the shorted-loop. Each of us has a lot of work to do if we are to do this. Each case is different, and I suspect that there is a particular KEY to each person to break them out of the loop. It just might take a long time to find the Key to break the code and delete the looping control loop of their mind’s software programs, in a manner of speaking. 

So, do not ever be surprised that you cannot communicate with these people. It is part of the design of the system to keep them trapped in the mental control loops triggered by words, gestures, music or whatever a local preacher can design. The pastor does not do this deliberately as in, “How can I design a system to keep them trapped,” but he simply does it by trial and error in Darwinian fashion as to what works with a particular person and congregation and what does not. This is how it works. And whatever system of controls survives the experimentation is what survives in the same way as animal species survive in the process of natural selection in the Survival of the Fittest. The better the system design, the harder it will be to break them out of the mental loops. 

Sadly, this is the worst part. There are many people who commit suicide in this world, but within the Pentecostal religion, the number is astoundingly large. Their lives are marked with self-condemnation, self-loathing, poor self-esteem — these problems often manifesting themselves as depression, anxiety disorders, or other mental health issues. Some of these can be very detrimental if left untreated — depression and bipolar disorder both have high rates of suicide. The Pentecostal religion is designed like a army drill instructor to break you down mentally. The only difference is, the army brings you back up. The Pentecostal religion does not. Just think about low self esteem and how it relates to suicide.

This is not your ordinary religion. This is a brainwashing, emotionally abusive religion. If your religion requires special rules to get into heaven that god does not require, then you have indeed sinned yourself. You may ask why is that? Because Jesus died on the cross for what god sees as a sin. To create false sins, is to say that your law is better than gods law. And the bible clearly states that this in itself is a sinful act. Maybe this explains it better.

If we have to do anything to gain our salvation, then we call God a liar. Ephesians 2:8,9 tells us that it’s not by works of righteousness, but by grace. If we have to do anything except repent and receive, then it wasn’t truly finished when Jesus said “it is finished,” on the cross. The Bible says that all of our works are as filthy rags. (Isaiah 64:6)

The law was in the Old Testament. People did not get saved by keeping the law. Moses, David, or any other Old Testament saint was saved by faith- not keeping the law. Read Hebrews 11. It says they were all saved by faith!! 

The Trinity one last time, At Jesus’ baptism you have Jesus (the Son) being baptized, God (the Father) speaking from heaven, and the dove (the Holy Spirit) coming down and landing on Jesus. (Matthew 3:13-17). This isn’t a magic show. There are three different people. Jesus cannot be in the water, in the heavens and that of a dove at one time at any one second. If that doesn’t convince you maybe this will.

You have Jesus many times saying that He was doing the Father’s will and that He and the Father were One. That does not mean the same person. To see and hear Jesus was to see and hear God. If you were hearing Jesus, you were hearing god, because god worked through Jesus. Jesus also told the disciples to wait in Jerusalem until they received the Holy Spirit. 

The thing that scares me most is why there are a massive number of people leaving this religion. And I can already tell you what the current Pentecostals will say. They will say that the person has lost faith. Or they didn’t understand. Usually something along those lines. But its really not it at all. God opened their eyes. To save them from a sinful religion. A religion that will cast them into hell.

Not all parts of this blog were my writing. I’d cite my sources and give them credit, but when my mind gets going, I have to keep going. I can say that not only were the beliefs about the oneness Pentecostal religion looked at by baptist as wrong, but all other religions do as well. So I will leave you with this. The religions of others date way back thousands of years. This oneness Pentecostal religion dates back just over 100. The more accurate religion is going to be the oldest religion. Another example, if all other religions frown upon what your religion teaches, why do you think its right? Are you going to tell me that if 9 out of 10 people said jumping off a bridge was going to kill you, that you would believe the 1 who said it wouldn’t? Because ultimately in choosing this religion that’s what you are saying. All it really takes to understand religion, is common sense. You have to put your religious thinking aside to be able to use it.

As agnostic as I may be, I am smart enough to know, the oneness Pentecostal religion, is not correct for anyone. I don’t base my decision because my grandparents took me to church. Or that I have been associated with a particular religion. I base my decision by reading the bible and looking up its meanings.

I am asking that all of you pray for those who are lost in this religion. Especially my friend who I will not name. By staying in this religion, they will surely be denied entrance into the kingdom of god because their religion is a sin in itself.

Religion and your life.

I’m all for people picking a religion and following it to their heart. Regardless if I believe in a god, an afterlife etc or not, more power to you. I have a problem with certain brainwashed religions. The ones that set these special rules different from any other religion. The ones that are truly made by man himself and not by God or Jesus. I’m tired of bibles like the King James Version being turned into this New International Version that changes the scripture. By saying “oh this is what they must have meant,” and writing it down how they feel it should be explained. You know. Instead of looking at what the original words actually mean. Before I go any further, please don’t take this personal. I know many of you are religious and I have no problem with that.

Ok, so you have Catholics, Mormons, Baptists, Christians, and Pentecostal to name a few. Can you tell me which is the more, let’s say extreme? In my opinion the two with the biggest differences would be Mormon and Pentecostal. The other three are pretty much the same when it comes to certain rules. And when I say rules, I am talking about what their religion requires of them. The one I have the biggest problem with, is Pentecostal. To sit there and say that a woman cannot wear pants or show her legs off and that she must wear a long skirt, that is ridiculous. A rule that was probably created by some jealous guy that didn’t want others looking at her legs.

So my first point with this rule, when I notice a girl, its usually not her legs I’m looking at. To be honest, its her face. Then tits and then ass. I’m not saying a girl walking by with shorts on and nice legs is something I wouldn’t look at. I think you get my point.

Second rule being, women can’t wear make up. Seriously? How long has make up been around. I don’t think they had lipstick and eyeliner back in the day when Jesus was roaming the earth. But to say that you can’t wear make up because it isn’t natural is dumb. Let me ask you Pentecostals this, do you wear deodorant? Its not natural! Do you wear perfume, use shampoo or soap that has fragrances in it? Those fragrances aren’t natural. But I bet you use all of those products! Contradict yourselves much?

Oh and then there is the no TV rule. Let me guess, Jesus walked by a home and caught someone watching the NBA finals and said, “Hey, that’s a sin.” If watching TV is a sin, then why in the hell are there TV stations that have preaching. That have prayer and so on. I know there are some iffy programs that are more after your money, but I do believe most of them have the best intentions. Are you telling me that all these other religions are wrong? I’m sorry but I tend to go with majority.

Oh, you can play video games? Hmmm, even on a computer. As bad as watching the NBA Finals may be in your religion, they find it ok with playing Call of Duty! A game where you run around killing people. Doesn’t make a bit of sense to me.

Is it just me, or does anyone else see the pot calling the kettle black here? Can one believe in god, Jesus or whoever your religion prays to, believe in them and live a good life and not get into heaven or your religions afterlife because you wore shorts or pants? Or is little Billy going to be rejected because he watched Sesame Street and learned how to count? What about the disabled person who can’t go to church? Are they going to hell because the only way they can be part of a service is through a TV?

Tell me how these sound. “Jessica, you’re not allowed into heaven because you wore lipstick and mascara. Even though you went to church every Sunday and lived a life as a good person.” “Kate, you are being sent to hell because you wore skinny jeans that made your ass look amazing. And let’s not forget about when you went swimming. How dare you not leave your skirt on as you entered the water! People saw your legs! But thanks for going to church every Sunday and believing in me.” “And finally Paul, you were doing great until you became physical incapable of going to church. Then you had to go and watch TV. I’m sorry but even though you watched a station that worshipped me, I can’t let you through these gates. But hey, thanks for praying to me 5 times a day.”

Please think about how ridiculous this sounds. There was no TV, no blue jeans and no shorts or bikini bottoms when Jesus roamed the earth. So why have they become instituted into a religion as a rule that you have to follow to be part of that religion. Better yet, please tell me how doing any one of those things makes you a bad person. Or are you going to tell me all the other religions have it all wrong. Thanks Pentecostals for you’re extremist ways. Your one light switch and gas pedal away from being Amish. Excuse my language, but, fuck Pentecostal.